Goodbye Letter

In two weeks exactly it is the due date of my baby, the baby that I lost this past June. With each passing day this month I have been thinking more and more about the baby that I lost. I am fortunate enough that I got pregnant again and am now carrying what is known as a rainbow baby. This does not mean that I have forgotten about the child that I carried for 8 weeks.

The night before I miscarried I picked up my journal, something I hadn’t done in months. I wrote the baby a letter. This letter reminds me of the spirit that was and will never be brought to life.  It is the only tangible item I have to remember this baby. I’d like to share it with you all.

Hello little baby!

I hope you are ok. You have been scaring me almost all week. Well not you, but the tiny tear in your placenta called a subchorionic hematoma. I wish we didn’t have to worry about this. I just want you to be healthy. Today you are 8 weeks old and he size of a kidney bean. I hope you are big enough to see on the ultrasound this week. You were too small on Tuesday.

Your big sister Audrey waved to you last week. She doesn’t understand yet that you are growing in my belly. She thinks my belly is full of food, which is true but you are in there too! You are going to be lucky to have a big sister. I know she will love playing peek-a-boo with you,

I can’t wait for you to get bigger and I can feel your kicks. Maybe you will get the hiccups like your big sister Audrey. I am hoping and praying you continue to grow. If you are anything like me then you are a fighter and strong and can overcome this battle and hold on. I will do my best to hold on too.

I love you soo much.  Stay strong!

Love,

 Mama