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I am Pregnant and I am Scared!

I am over the half way mark in this pregnancy. I have felt many things, happiness, anxious, joy, hopeful, excited and more. There is one emotion that keeps creeping in, fear. I spent the first trimester fearing a miscarriage. I have had 2 miscarriages in the past. After I heard the heartbeat for the first time and had the first ultrasound my fear morphed. I was beyond ecstatic that this baby was here to stay but then I started to worry about complications and the post partum period. Β For the next 10 weeks I feared I would have placenta previa again. I had my anatomy scan and everything looks good, and I have been cleared for VBAC.

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Now I am just scared for the future. I’m scared about the time after this little one arrives. I am so scared that I will once again develop post partum psychosis. I had it after my first, which you can read about here. Though I have a plan in place, and a treatment team specific to perinatal mental health I am still so scared.

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I am scared that I will lose touch with reality and miss out on the first few weeks.

I am scared that my toddler will be scared of me if she sees me like that.

I am scared that I will become a burden to my husband and family.

I am sacred I will be too disorganized to care for my new baby or even myself.

I am scared I will be snowed with medication which will make me too tired to even act as a mom.

I am scared that I will have to be on high doses of medication meaning I won’t be able to breastfeed.

I am scared that I will have to spend time in a psychiatric ward.

I am scared that my husband will get frustrated with me.

I am scared that I will do stupid and embarrassing things that will haunt me forever, because I already have those and don’t want more.

I am just scared.

My number one hope is for a healthy baby. My second is for me to remain a healthy Mama.

I am Pregnant and I am scared.

 

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8 thoughts on “I am Pregnant and I am Scared!

  1. Jasmine, You r a brave person ❀ Just believe that everything will be perfect, Please please dont let the negative thoughts creep in, Stay positive & Stay focussed, You will do great , My love, prayers & blessings r with you, Take care of yourself & Look forward with a smile ❀

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  2. Dear Jasmine, It doesn’t matter if any or all those things happen cause you will get through them and you will continue to be an awesome mom.

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  3. Dear Jasmine, Your message left me no choice but to reply, I am deeply moved and proud of you.You are an incredibly strong and mindful young woman.I have faith that with the tools you already have and the amazing support system in your life you will manage what may come.Have faith in yourself and those around you, have courage and be well. You have blossomed into a beautiful human being, stay strong and be true to who you are, all the best Nada

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  4. Wow! Congrats!! I remember feeling like that when I got pregnant in the first trimester too. It was my first pregnancy so I had a lot of fear. It took a lot of prayer to shift my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your post and I pray the rest of your pregnancy goes by smooth.

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